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But why do I feel this is just a rationalization to excuse my actions? Am I just trying to convince myself?Week 8I really miss my friends. In the beginning, the totally exclusive, utterly secretive nature of my affair was one of its biggest appeals. It's was the two of us against the world and I did relish that bond. But I want to talk to someone, and now I have nowhere to turn. I know that even telling my best friend will put her in a bad position, and could possibly put the affair at risk. So I stew quietly and feel so very, very much alone.Week 12Damn this affair is Expensive!Fancy dinners, faraway hotel rooms, sexy lingerie, trusty babysitters, personal training sessions ... my cheater's tab is getting out of control. The 4 star hotels have been replaced by Motel 6's and backseat trysts in parks. The fancy dinners where we might be spotted are now a thing of the past.And because of that pesky paper trail business, most of it has to be taken care of in cash. I never thought I would. . hell even like me. It's lonely, and I don't want to live like that anymore. I love Jahn, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather share him with than you." Holding up her hand, eyes filled with determination, she slid the ring onto her finger.Desperately, Jahn reached out with, "We've made it this far, Fiona, past family and the obstacles that matter. The rest is love and commitment. Am I wrong? Don't you feel the same? Or is living like that too much to deal with? I want to think that I've moved past being so narcissistic, but if I've completely misunderstood..."Brown eyes flooded with tears. "Of course I love you, Jahn, and I'm well past any resentment of Jenny. It's just ... I never could have wished for anything like this. It seems like there are so many reasons we shouldn't, like this is wrong or something. I love you, but..." We all need somebody to love. This is about what you want. Will you marry me?" I..." Staring at the back of her hand, she examined the ring, tears sliding.
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